Phewee

I don't want to go into it, as some things are too private to be aired here, but Graham and I have just gone through an extremely tense few days leading on from an argument on Saturday night. It has been a very emotional time, and I really thought that this may be it for us. But we have calmed down and explained our views and talked and talked it through and the good news is that we will hopefully find that we have come out of this stronger than ever due to the fact that we now both know all each others grievances and fears and doubts and are in a clear position to eliminate them all so that nothing gets in the way of our happiness.

I feel slightly strange. It probably has a lot to do with how tired I am, but I feel kind of like I entered a chrysalis as a grubby little caterpillar on Saturday night, and was released last night as a butterfly when we finally sorted things out. The relief I felt about getting to the root of our problems and agreeing on how to solve them was immense, and it really did lift my spirits.

At least we know now not to take the relationship for granted, not to let ourselves slip into the same cycle as before. We've got to work together for each other's happiness.

Hi hoooooo

Oh, I had a very nice time yesterday. I bought (or rather mum and dad bought me) loads of books and some clothes for my birthday. I've now got 2 new T-shirts (one from Crystal and Keith - thank you!), 2 new shirts, some new jeans and some new casual trousers (just in case you thought that I would be getting any of them second hand, like I did some of the books).

Books-wise, these are what I remember getting:

Douglas Coupland - Life after God and Generation X
Haruki Murakami - South of the Border, West of the Sun
Walter Moers - The 13.5 lives of captain bluebear
Jasper Fforde - The Eyre Affair
Anne-Marie MacDonald - Fall on Your Knees
Michael Marshall - The Lonely Dead

There were others too. Then I had a problem deciding which one to read next. Given that I had just started reading Murakami's Hard-Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World at home which is supposed to be a bizarre book, I thought I'd read one of the more serious ones at work so that I don't mix up on madcap plot with another, so I'm now a few chapters into Michael Marshall's one, and really enjoying it.

It was lovely to spend a good deal of time with mum and dad after 6 weeks away from them. They had a great time in Oz and showed us some of the video that they took over there. We traipsed around town all day - as well as shopping I showed them Park Street, Brandon Hill Park, and the harbour area. We were all pretty tired by the time we got home. And stuffed after eating at EAT+, a newish eat-all-you-want chinese/malay place.

I'm really looking forward to going to Cheltenham tomorrow to see all my chums at Matt's engagement party - it's been a long while since I've seen some of them (like Justin and Moz and Felix) and I'm hoping to get drunk and merry and act like a fool around people who I know just won't care! It's all kicking off at 7.30pm so plenty of time to catch up with everyone.

It's also GP weekend - Monaco. I'm not looking forward to the procession if Schumacher gets pole, but Graham is still living in hope that the BAR boys will be able to challenge him. We shall see...

Oh, yeah, and Calgary Flames have pulled off the incredible achievement of winning the Western Conference Finals. They now get to play Philly or Tampa Bay for the Stanley Cup! Go Flames Go!!!!

Sainsbury's have narked me today.

I picked up a smoked salmon linguine for lunch and I was really looking forward to it. I stuck it in the microwave, and when I came to stir it halfway through I realised that smoked salmon linguine really shouldn't have bits of bacon and leek in and look so penne-ish. They had put the meal in the wrong packaging, the fools. Anyway, I didn't have time to take it back and it was already half-cooked so I had to eat it - and it tasted fine, but it wasn't what I wanted, and now the leeks are giving me wind.

And to top it all off, I'd bought a tiny sushi box with a salmon ngiri in so I thought I'd get my fishy fix that way - but the thing had a bone in it and it put me right off. I know that they put a warning on the packet to the effect that there might be some small bones remaining even though the fish is filleted, but really...I've been eating sushi for a very long time and have never come across one.

But I'm still happy, it won't ruin my day or anything.

9.35 am. People who have wished me a happy birthday so far:

Graham
Emma at work
Moz in Germany (she and Fix are coming over to UK this weekend for Matt and Sharon's engagement party - yay!)

2.10p.m - more people who have wished me a happy birthday:
Graham (again)
Graham's mum (via email)
Kelly (via text)

Birthday

Hi, I'm Kate and I'm 26. Yes, that feels OK.

It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiney day. I want to be out in it!

I'm glad it's still sunny, and it's cooler in the library today. Woke up to a good song on the radio and a birthday card from Graham which he left for me when he went to work this morning at 3 a.m. I don't like to wish my life away, but I can't wait for home time today, and I have a feeling that it's going to be a long time coming if I think like that, so I'd better get working hard to distract myself.

I bought a chocolate brownie as a treat this morning, but I've only had a nibble on it so far. I'm actually not that hungry having just drunk a huge tea from Starbucks.

My sunburn has started to brown more now, and is hurting less. I still feel like a daft fool getting burnt in the UK after I was so careful in Oz to cover myself in sunblock from head to foot every day. I shall learn from this lesson...

Feels like a Friday today as I have got the day off tomorrow. I will have to be careful to remember to come in to work on the actual Friday.

I want Chinese food, I can't stop craving it. All because I indulged in some Singapore vermicelli on Monday.

So what's in the news this birthday? Absolutely sod all. The media is still obssessed with these Iraqi abuse claims so that what was at first shocking is now totally boring. David Pleat has quit spurs...Sainsbury's profits have dropped...Tony Randall has died. Nothing major as yet then. I feel sorry for anyone born today who gets a gift of The Times for the day they were born!

God

Will this day ever end? I'm hot and bored. I can't open the window because it is broken, but I don't think it would help much if I did as there seems to be absolutely no airflow through this building today.

I want to be in Cornwall. Or Canada. Or snuggling with me boyf at home. He is playing ninja games on the Xbox now as he got home at lunchtime due to having to start work at 3am tomorrow morning - my birthday.

So here it is merry christmas everybody's having fun...
why on earth is that song in my head?

Mum rang this morning, safely back from Singapore.

Alex hasn't emailed me from Thailand yet and I really want to know how he is getting on there. He did send me a short text message to say how stunning the beach and jungle were where he was staying...sigh...

I've just finished reading Girlfriend in a Coma and I have to say that I wasn't particularly impressed with the way the storyline went. I still like his writing style, and I liked most of the characters (although one was so annoying and another, the most interesting one in my opinion, was nowhere near developed enough) but I was expecting more of a twist, more bang for my buck - it went for an awe-inspiring ending and failed to make me feel anything but the apathy that the book was trying to dispel.

Hmmm...it's definitely a ho-hum day today.
Ah well, mum and dad are down tomorrow evening and then I have Thursday off so that will be something to look forward to.

My parents will be on the plane now, waiting to take off from Singapore to come home.
Will be really good to see them on Wednesday.

Beautiful

I have just had one of the most perfect weekends in my life.

Thursday - the man from Parcelforce took away our immigration application. I tracked it online, and it was delivered at 9.35 am on Friday 14th May and signed for by somebody called Chin. Graham and I cracked open the bubbly as soon as I got home and then it was all romance and happiness from there. We had a lovely meal in Over the Moon, drank more wine and finished up with a cocktail in a bar by the river - Graham didn't want to go home, but it was just as well we did as I had a hangover in the morning as it was.

Friday - off to Cornwall at 10am. We arrived at Boscastle in good time, and as we descended down the hill through the countryside to the hotel, a mist enveloped us and it was just as I had imagined a Cornish ex-smuggling village to be. We walked down the steep hill, past lots of very very pretty cottages and beautiful houses with beautiful gardens, into the village centre and along to the harbour. I ate the best sausages ever for lunch and then we walked back up the hill to check into our hotel. The hotel, though only 2 stars, was just right - it was small but not so small that the proprieter pounced on you and didn't give you any privacy. We were served some excellent coffee and Danish Butter Cookies whilst she made our room up, and we sat on the chaise longue in the lobby grinning at each other. The finishing touches in our room were superb - a super-king-size bed with the most comfortable mattress and duvet ever, beautiful furniture and a bathroom with a swanky glass sink and stainless steel accessories that had Graham getting the camera out. The floor was also covered in very expensive seagrass carpet, which looked impressive, but was a bit hard on bare feet!

We went out again after check-in - driving towards Tintagel and the sun decided to come out and it stayed out all weekend. The ruins of Tintagel Castle were fab - and because it was a Friday and nobody expected the weather to be so good and it was a weekend between 2 bank holidays, the place was virtually ours. We climbed down the steep steep steps to go across to the island and spent a good few hours wandering around the cliff tops gawping at the spectacular scenery - we were so high up that the twin waterfall below looked like a little trickle. We sat at the cliff edge for a good while, basking in the sun, feeling serenely happy and deciding that if we don't get to Canada then Cornwall might just have to be our Plan B. It was so romantic and the day brought the best out in both of us. I was also very relieved to be finally stress-free about the Canada application. We went out for dinner in the 16th Century pub next door to the hotel in Boscastle and then had an early night.

Saturday - we got up mega early to yet more sunshine. We sat down to a lovely full Cornish breakfast which filled me up for most of the day and then set out towards Padstow. We went via Port Isaac, but because it was still really misty on the hills and by the sea, we could hardly see any of the village as we drove it's tiny narrow lanes - but we could appreciate what it would be like on a clear day. We reached Padstow early and walked around the harbour, up the alleyways admiring all the houses and eventually found ourselves walking through a clifftop meadow with stunning views across the harbour and beach. The sun was shining brightly and just cutting through the mist, trying to evaporate it - Graham took some fab photos. When we got down towards the centre again it had got a lot more crowded. We thought about taking the ferry over to Rock but decided instead to get ourselves a Cornish pastie and then head back towards Polzeath.

We did a bit of surf shopping in Polzeath and walked down the beach to watch the surfers and swimmers and lifeguards. Graham wanted to swim but hadn't brought any swimwear with him. We ate icecream, and laughed at a woman promenading by with her dog that looked exactly liked her. We kissed and cuddled a lot and were very happy. By this time I had started to get quite sunburned. We headed back to Boscastle where we had a drink in the old Cobweb Inn and then walked up to the harbour, climbing the cliffs to the top where we had an amazing view of the harbour below, and the coastline to either side of us. I got more burnt and so we headed back down to get me a hat. Had a drink in the haunted Wellington Hotel's garden and then back to the hotel for our evening meal. The food was gorgeous. Graham had what he described as the best chicken he's ever eaten and I had monkfish and mussels. For start I had crab and Graham had the most delectable goat's cheese. Pudding and port were also amazing - we were very content.

Sunday - breakfast was special - eggs benedict with smoked salmon. Yummmmmmy! Graham had really hurt his toe stubbing it on the bed so we had to forget the harbour walk that we had planned. We headed off to Bude but didn't stay long after walking along to the estuary and beach as it was a bit too big and bustling. We carried on to Devon - stopping at Hartland Quay for a drink and to take in the dramatic scenery, and then onto Clovelly - which was sooooooooo quaint and cute and romantic. After stroking all the cats, twisting ankles on the steep cobbled streets, reminiscing about Graham's school trip where the tide came in and soaked his socks, and having a cream tea overlooking the harbour there we got the landrover back up to the carpark at the top (you think we were going to walk back up?). Then we started on the long drive home.

I can't believe how gloriously sunny it has been - and it's set to continue all week. Woohoo! I didn't want to come back from our perfect holiday away, but I think we will definitley be going back. It was a great great birthday present anyway, and one with memories that will last us a long time.

Feeling Good

I'm actually very nervous - butterflies in my stomach. The package is sitting next to me, ready for the Parcelforce man to take this afternoon. My confidence in Parcelforce was not helped yesterday when a man turned up at 3.45 saying that he had come to collect a parcel - "No, that would be tomorrow you're supposed to pick it up - the 13th May" I said, "Ah, OK" he said. He didn't look at me the whole time - he had a bad squint in both eyes...

Well at least he turned up at the right location between the right hours - I guess that I can be thankful for that. He didn't seem to have the label he was supposed to bring though.

I feel like I am spending the last few hours with my daughter before she leaves home to move in with the local bad guy.

Looking forward to a long relaxing weekend - I hope the weather is nice in Cornwall so we can go for lots of romantic walks. I think the hotel is going to be nice too.

And looking forward to a nice meal out tonight. Graham suggested that we go out for a couple of drinks first (the table is booked for 8) but I said I'd rather crack open the bubbly at home and celebrate the sending off of the application.

Joined a new website thing last night - nationsreunited.com - sort of like friends reunited but for contacting people all over the world. Might come in handy - get a few canadian contacts...

Stress

I found my stess threshold last night and then went way above it.

But more about that later.

First - the weekend (is it really Wednesday already?). Short because there's nothing to report. I wasted it - spent a lot of time catching up on my sleep as I felt exhausted. Went shopping for loads of spices so I could make a proper curry from scratch - which turned out quite tasty in the end though not saucy enough. It rained quite a bit and the Grand Prix sucked big time. Button buggered up qualifying so started 14th and only managed to get up to 8th by the end. There was hardly any overtaking. Montoya went out with failed brakes. Schumacher won yet again, even though he had a problem with his exhaust - it just wouldn't break enough to slow him down.

Mum rang from Brisbane and they really liked it there. They were looking forward to Cairns and their trip on the Great Barrier Reef.

I was in a foul mood after the Grand Prix and just wanted to get out of the house. We walked around the Downs for a couple of hours or so and to Whiteladies Road, we ate ice cream, I drank Sprite. Nothing Graham could do would cheer me up, even his offer of one of my birthday presents early. I tried to get him to stop bothering as it wasn't worth it. The curry making cheered me up a bit. We watched Frequency and it was OK but the ending was abismal. Blurgh.

I went to bed and woke up feeling much happier the next day. So Monday was a normal not-much-happening day - I was quite cheerful throughout. Nothing of note happened.

So back to yesterday. As I have put most of this application together on my own, with Graham just doing little bits that I have told him we needed, I had asked him to get in contact with a collection/delivery service to courier it to London. When I got home last night, he said that he didn't have time as he wanted to do a couple of things around the house, eat some dinner and cut his hair before he went round to his brother's where he was going to stay the night....therefore he wanted me to ring them.

Now this pissed me off because I'm sick to death of the application and whilst I understand that he has been doing a fair bit around the house recently and he doesn't have as much time free at work as I do, I really wish he'd have been more involved in the whole process - since it is a huge life-changing thing that will affect both of us so much. Instead he just left it to me the whole time and I have been getting more and more stressed as it has gone on. Also, I didn't want to phone anyone - I have this stupid phone phobia. He finds it a lot easier.

Anyway...I went on the Internet to check out prices from different companies and that's when the stress level went over. I spent 2 hours trying to arrange a collection and delivery online with a few different companies but I was always blocked - by the fact that the company wouldn't collect from a residential address, or if it did it had to be collected anytime after 12pm (meaning we would have to be at home all afternoon - which we couldn't do). Graham's not around today or tonight, we're busy Thursday night so can't really deliver it to any depot, and we're away from Friday through to Sunday.

In the end, I went for a parcelforce collection from my work - ordering it for Thursday afternoon so that I would have time to get suitable packaging. I am upset that we had to resort to Royal Mail after all. It was only after I had paid for it that I realised that a line of the sender's address had copied itself over to the recipient's address - and that is when I went loopy. I'd had enough and I couldn't cope anymore. Unfortunately Graham's response to my stress was to sit and be quiet and not actually pay me any attention at all. So I got more stressed because he couldn't find it in him to give me any emotional support - and ended up being really angry at him. All I wanted was a cuddle and a "there-there, don't worry about it".

I'd calmed down a bit before he went to his brother's, but only after I literally had to order him to give me a cuddle. His reaction just infuriated me so much.

Well, hopefully that will be the last of the stress now - assuming that Parcelforce turn up on time in the right place tomorrow, scribble out the wrong line of address, manage not to lose or damage the parcel and get it delivered to the High Commission before 12pm like we've asked them to do.

Graham's taking me out for a birthday meal tomorrow night so I will be double celebrating my birthday and finally getting that damned application out of my hands - I never want to see it again! I'm sure I will get very drunk and we probably won't get to Cornwall as early as I'd hoped on Friday, but never mind.

Graham's bro is driving supercars in Leicestershire today - Dodge Viper, Mercedes SL55, Lamborghini, Noble, Lotus Exige - it was his 30th birthday present from all of us. Graham has now decided that he'd like a Ferrari or Formula 1 day for his 30th next year, just at the time that I decided on a totally non-car related present instead - so it's tough luck, he'll have to get his bro to organise it for him or wait until his 40th! I know he will love my present anyway.

New concept

I thought I'd try something new today - doing lots of work before surfing the web!
It worked for a while there. I'm actually more bored surfing than I was working, so I'll probably keep this short.

I wonder if my brother had a nice time in Africa? He won a safari holiday at work for being such a good worker (obviously doesn't take after me then, or maybe he enjoys his job) - 1 week of being pampered in luxury accommodation and seeing all the wild animals, but I haven't heard from him since he got back, and neither has my Gran...

Ho hum.

I'm liking the fact that it is Friday but as I haven't got anything planned I'm not looking forward to the weekend as such. Does that make sense? It's not like I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm not getting my normal Friday buzz. Graham is working tomorrow morning...booooo...and also on call - so I don't think we'll be doing much of anything except checking over the application one last time and signing everything). The Spanish Grand Prix is on Sunday (which is unfortunate since that is the only forecasted sunny(ish) day of the weekend but we can go out afterwards) but Ferrari (read Schumacher) are set to dominate again. I have the feeling that I will be doing a lot of reading and Graham will be doing a lot of Xbox playing. It's the last free weekend in May though, so I guess we should be making the most of the chance to relax.

Graham didn't say goodbye to me yesterday morning which made me sad. And then he emailed to say that he had to go to work at 3am on my birthday so I will be waking up all on my ownsome, which made me sadder. But there's not a lot he can do about that so it's no use being upset about it. I just hope he isn't so tired that he can't enjoy the meal in the evening, but hopefully he should be able to come home about 12pm and get some kip.

The importance of being paranoid

Eek.
We haven't got the application sent off yet because Graham hadn't received his marksheet for his HND. Everything else is ready and waiting to go. I thought I'd use the extra time to go even more thoroughly through the application to make sure we hadn't missed anything and I found:

The banker's draft had been made out to The Receiver General OF Canada, rather than the Receiver General FOR Canada - if we had sent it off like that, it would have been returned toute suite and probably only in a flimsy envelope via Royal Mail's economy class.

Graham had also been claiming that he had been working in his current more senior position for a year longer than he has - so all the forms he had filled in, and his CV, did not tally with the reference letter from his company. If I hadn't have noticed that then we would have been in big trouble - with glaring errors like that on an application form they might have had us put down as lying little toerags and rejected us immediately.

So I made changes to all the forms, and Graham got onto the bank, managed to convince them that it was their fault and so another bankers draft is being written. Unfortunately that won't get to us until at least next Monday. Meanwhile, Graham's transcript is finally ready for him to pick up today. So we WILL get this application sent off next week, before the validity of the police certificates expires.

I'm glad I'm a panicker and a quadruple-checker, that's all I have to say.

Bank Holiday was so wet, apart from a very sunny Sunday which took everyone by surprise. It was lovely - we wandered all over Clifton, exploring all the little alleyways. We discovered a few bars, pubs and cafes that looked well worth a visit and had a great roast lunch at the Hop House. Also over the weekend we went to see Eternal Sunshine (which was fantastic - so beautifully shot, an interesting plot, very Charlie Kaufmann), and Kill Bill 2 (which had me fidgeting in my seat somewhat - it was pretty good but not a patch on the first one), and we went out for a mini pub crawl down St Michael's Road and a curry at the Triangle. Once again it was empty and Naz sat down and had us chatting for aaaaaaaages, mostly about relationships this time.

Delivered the hoover to Kerrianne on Monday and met Tristan, who seemed a nice chap, and had my first taste of Easton. It's more like London around that area, with a great community feel - it's mainly Asian, Middle-Eastern and Afro-Caribbean. We went to the Sweet Mart to get me some kaffir lime leaves, but ended up buying all sorts of things and spending £25. Oops.

My debit card for our joint account expired and they haven't sent me a new one, even though they sent Graham his weeks ago. Boo to Halifax.

Graham has been well tired this week unfortunatley. Neither of us has been sleeping well.

I'm trying to think of very special non-Ferrari related things for his 30th birthday since he confessed that whilst he'd love to have a Ferrari to himself for the day, he'd be paranoid about pranging it and clocking up a few grand on his credit card to pay for it. I've got 2 very good ideas at the moment, but I'll have to wait till later in the year before I can decide on what to do for him

Meanwhile my birthday is coming up very soon. Graham is taking me away to Cornwall next weekend, and taking me out for a romantic meal somewhere in Bristol (I have an inkling of where but I'm not going to say until I find out), and buying me a necklace. We went to the mall at the weekend and I pointed out some that I liked, so he is going to go back and pick his favourite of the bunch. I bought a cheap one from Next to tide me over. I've had a naked neck since I lost Graham's original necklace he bought me for our first Xmas together - it was a really nice white gold and pink sapphire one and I was gutted when I realised it had fallen off, somewhere en route to work.

Mum and Dad are in Brisbane now. Only 2 weeks left of their holiday - it's unbelievable how fast time goes. They will be back in time to come to Bristol for my birthday - we are going out for a meal on the Wednesday evening, and then I am taking the Thursday off to spend some time with them and catch up on all the news.