Depression

God it's bad when it hits.

I was so depressed last night, I couldn't find it in me to raise a smile. Graham couldn't help me out of it so that made it even worse. I don't even know what triggered it. I mean there have been areas of dissatisfaction building up in my life recently but nothing that should have put me over the edge. Well, apart from being on my period, but it doesn't normally make me feel that bad emotionally.

After 3 weeks of being together 24/7 in Canada it's not very nice to be back in Bristol with the really miserable weather and us hardly communicating with each other. We spend so much of our time apart - one or the other of us on the computer, the other somewhere else in the house - or together but not speaking because the TV is on. Last night I tried to get him to just spend some time with me, talking, but he didn't seem to want to talk about anything much. He ended up on the PC for a bit and doing housework, and then we ended up in bed reading together.

I dunno, I just miss the connection we have when we're together on holiday. But that's not the only thing I was depressed about. I think I might be suffering from a bit of SAD this year for the first time. Hope it doesn't last!

Anyway, I feel better today so I'll try and concentrate on the positive.

Hing emailed today to say he is going to be in town for a bit this weekend so we are meeting up with him and Jon this evening for drinkies and food. Graham is on call so it won't be a huge night out. Tomorrow Ade and Sheila are down from the North so they're coming round for dinner and drinkies which will be nice. They don't know about our Vancouver flat yet so Graham is hoping to surprise them with it - all they know is that we've got some big news to tell them so they probably think we're getting married or something.

I really would like to try and get into the festive spirit this year so I'm trying to organise some Christmas thingies for us to do - at the moment it looks like we are going to Berkeley Castle on the 10th December for their candlelit open evening complete with christmas trees, choirs, mince pies, mulled wine and possibly an early appearance from Santa. Then on the 16th there is a concert by Shout at St Georges - a multicultural voice choir doing a candlelit christmas special.

I think we will stay in Bristol for new year - try and get a few people together to go out for a nice meal, maybe even Colleys, and then into town for fireworks and festivities and/or back to our place for champagne and chat. Either that or go to Jongleurs for a night of stand-up comedy and fast dancing. Depends on the budget and who wants to come really.

There's a storm brewing

It's been a strange old week.

John Peel died and I am sad, even though I didn't listen to his radio show. It just seemed that his was a voice that was everywhere and that it would be around forever. I used to like reading his Radio Times column about his family life - made him feel like a cool grumpy uncle of mine.

It's such a shock for everyone. I do wonder if he ever realised just how much he was admired.

The weather's been stormy - gales and horrible rain, lots of floods. I have managed not to get too soaked yet, but it can't be far off.

I am feeling really achey today and I don't like it. Graham was off with some weird stomach bug flu type thing on Monday but he felt better the next day.

Teachers has started again and they've killed of 3 of the main characters without explaining anything - and everyone's a bit pissed off about it as Kurt was the best character in it.

Met up with Ed yesterday who was back briefly for half term having survived the first 7 weeks o his proper teaching career. I really don't know how they do it - sounds truly awful!

Nobody has come to look at our house yet. It's been 3 weeks now. We are thinking of changing estate agents so that we can put the picture and details in a window that people walk past more often - but deep down we know that it is just the slowing down of the housing market hitting when we least needed it! I think we might make a loss on the place after all.

The day before yesterday I ate Monster Munch that turn your mouth blue - they are special edition Halloween ones. They actually made my mouth more green than blue and I wish I hadn't had them as I worry about all the E numbers!

Graham might have a lead on a job which could possibly see us getting out there on a work visa before our PR is processed - but this is very early days and I don't even know if it will go anywhere. It has given me itchy feet though unfortunately.

Was thinking of going away for the New Year but I think we'll probably just stay in Bristol and save our money for our bigger holidays.

Creative spark

I need one.

The meeting last night was heated. We are definitely living in the right block. The block down the end have to deal with Mr cowboy developer who has damaged the carpet and paint in their hall, seen to it that 3 flats haven't had heating for the last month, made lots of noise and mess without so much as telling anybody he was going to, and invited the builders in for a smoking session in the communal halls. On top of that they have the teenagers from hell living upstairs, who like to play when mummy's away - as soon as she goes out to work at night they throw parties and invite all their friends over to stay, make loads of noise in the early hours of the morning and play practical jokes on the neighbours which amount to criminal damage.

The guy who was running the meeting (our management company rep) was a pompous incompetent twit and made me really really angry.

Safe to say none of the accused turned up to the meeting, the cowboy developer never asked for a vote on the rental situation because he wasn't there (and because of his actions nobody would ever vote for it anyway, so that's scuppered any slim chance we may have had before).

But never mind. Kept thinking that resident's meeting would be an ideal base for a comedy sketch on Little Britain.

Mum and dad are coming over tonight for dinner. I'm meant to be cooking but I haven't been feeling well today so I might cry sympathy and get a takeaway instead. We're all off to London early in the morning for our Billy Connelly adventure.

This afternoon is going to go really slowly. I'm on my own (again). James from Queens came down earlier to provide 3 hours of cover - he's a newbie. Nice chap, just got back from travelling the globe with his girlfriend - turns out he was in Sydney for Xmas like I was. Why does the world seem so small? Answer - because everybody goes to the same limited places.

Something screwy just happened when I accidentally pressed some keys that I shouldn't have whilst typing this. 2 boxes came up but I couldn't work out how to get rid of them as it was all in Chinese - I had to close my web browser and start all over again (after copying and pasting my little essay of the day of course).

I'm dehydrated. Off to find water. Bye.

Stop!

Carry on.

Got to go to a meeting tonight with all the residents of the flats (although about half of them are away on holiday). Someone is going to bring up the motion of being allowed to rent out our flats. I will vote for it, but I don't think he's got a chance in hell of convincing most of the others - they like things the way they are. They don't seem to realise that the rule is actually devaluing our property, or they just don't care since they don't plan on selling them in the near future.

Our flat has been on the market for 2 weeks and nobody has shown the slightest interest. I know it is the slowest time of year for selling, but I thought someone might at least be a bit nosy and want to view it.

Need a wee wee. Kerrianne is still at lunch.

At break time I went to go to the loo but there was a huge queue so I went upstairs to see if I could find any others. I'd never been round the chemistry department before, I got lost, eventually found a disabled loo but then couldn't get back as someone had let me through a door that you need a swipe card for and I had forgotten to take mine with me. I had to go and sheepishly ask one of our visiting professors if he wouldn't mind letting me out and eventually got back to the library 15 minutes later. Next time I'll just stick to queuing.

Graham is addicted to ebay. A package arrived for him yesterday - it was a Canucks jersey that he had got really cheap from someone in Canada. It's cool but far too big (those jerseys always are - need some big shoulder pads to hold them up) and he can only really wear it at hockey games. Maybe he can wear it if and when we go and see Cardiff Devils play which I keep meaning to arrange.

oh dear, I appear to be bored

Sitting here with Sue, she's got nothing to do. I've got things to do but they're hardly urgent and I'd rather write this instead so I will.

Bang bang bang bang bang. One day builders will be able to do their job without making a sound - research into soundproofed tools, that's what we should be investing the government's (sorry, our) money in.

I went to an interview for a job that would have been nice for a bit of variety but it really wasn't important whether or not I got it. I hoped that having no pressure would have made me less nervous but it didn't make it any easier. The questions were pretty tricky and there were a couple of hairy moments when I thought that a good answer (or any answer at all for that matter) was not going to be forthcoming. But I didn't make a complete hash of it. I spoke to quickly and quietly as always but then I work in a library so that didn't matter too much.

I didn't get the job but it didn't surprise me. The internal candidates who I was up against included one who already worked in the serials department opposite the guy I would be job-sharing with and so knew all about the job already, and one who is doing the BSc in Information management and so is therefore very ambitious and needs the experience in the kind of technical work that the job entailed. My reason for wanting the job - just a bit of variety - didn't really stand up against their reasons. The one that already worked in the department got the job - and that's fair enough in my view.

Graham is going to be a nerd. There is a company in Canada called Nerds on Site that he wants to work for - you build up your own IT contracting business under their umbrella. Turns out they have a small base in the UK too and Graham has got in contact with them. He is going to meet a couple of them in a hotel and have a video conference with one of their guys in Canada, see if he can get a little business set up here in England so that when we go to Canada he will have already gone through all the company training and he can just transfer his skills and experience to the Vancouver branch. Which is all great. But the downside is that as he works full time anyway he will have to set up this new nerd business of his in his own time - so evening and weekend work (possibly even as far away as Reading) will be the pattern of things to come and, assuming he is successful, we will probably hardly see each other. And whilst I know it is all for the greater good of our future together, I can't help feeling glum about that. I do miss him when he's not around. Well, I guess that's love for you.

My parents, Graham and I are going to London this weekend to see Billy Connelly - I've not really seen much of his stuff so I'm looking forward to it. We will also visit Aunt Doll in hospital, probably go to one or two museums (or Kew Gardens if it is dry), and go out for lunch with Brian and Maria.

Cheltenham at the weekend was nice. Alex, Clare and I reminisced about old times and Graham rued the fact that he went to the wrong school - all the stuff that happened at ours made it like an ongoing soap opera. It's weird how normal we've all become!

Alex is still rather ill. He is being quite heavily medicated for anxiety - he has a tough time of it being in the same room as other people but he isn't avoiding the situation which is very positive for him. Going out is another matter though - he walked down to the shops with us and was OK but would have freaked if he'd done it on his own and couldn't stay inside the shop. He is working from home in Cheltenham, building a rival to Jake for the Gloucestershire area. Hopefully he will start to feel better soon as he will need to get out and meet and greet people at the events he is organising.

TFI Friday

I've been feeling really strange all week - kind of pumped up for something but I don't know what. It was at its worst yesterday when I felt like running around screaming but at the same time like I wanted to go to sleep.

Mum and dad are back from their holiday hell where they had to share accommodation with 600 Wayne and Waynetta slob families.

Our flat is on the market but no one has wanted to view it yet :o(

I have joined a forum where I can talk about crap with people who love Spaced as much as I do. I have also got Kerrianne addicted to the programme - eyyyyy!

Had a very busy weekend when all the kids came down from Cheltenham. Moz and Fix, Matt and Sharon, and Cazz and Russ all stayed over and we went to the pub, and went drunken shopping then cooked 8 meals and stayed up late and got drunk and played computer games and then in the morning I felt rough as hell but had to cook breakfast for everybody. Then they all went home and Graham and I tidied the flat once again (needs to be in show house condition ya know!) before Matt and Alex came back muddy from their bike ride and had showers and I cooked dinner again.

Graham has fallen out with his dad about Canada - big :o(

I am going home now - yay. Off to Cheltenham tomorrow to see Al and Clare. Al is really ill but drugs are making him better, I shall write more on that some other time as Kerrianne is waiting for me to go to the pub.

Peace out

Choices

Today's major choice was whether to get into work on time thoroughly drenched with no hope of drying off for an hour and a half because no one else was going to come to work until 10, or to wait for the bus and risk being late but turn up fairly dry. I chose the second but I'm still not sure whether that was right. The bus driver apparently failed to realise that in order to get to our destination he would have to put his foot on the accelerator for more than one second at a time and not follow it straight away with a foot on the brake. To be fair to him there was a lot of traffic in his way. I ended up being quarter of an hour late, still fairly wet with a line of students outside the door waiting for me to open up. Still, if I'd have chosen the walking/getting drenched option I probably would have had to take 2 days off next week getting over a nasty cold.

I can now talk about the thing that I previously couldn't talk about!

We are buying a property in Vancouver!!

House prices have gone up so much in the 18 months since we were last there that we decided we had to do something sooner rather than later. If we'd have left it until we get our visas in 2-3 years time then we would be priced out of the areas that we want to live in, and that would have drastically effected the decision on whether to risk going over to live. We decided to invest in a new build so that we would only have to pay the deposit and then nothing until completion. We researched the areas all around with some relocation people and real estate agents (who were all fabulous and so friendly and helpful) and eventually settled for a Concord Pacific development (great track record in Vancouver and beyond) called Spectrum, due for completion in summer of 2007 (by which time, all being well we should have our visas and be living in the city).

Check it out - http://www.myspectrum.ca

It is in a fantastic convenient location right downtown next to the hockey stadium - everything we could ever want is on our doorstep. It also has the added advantage of 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, which means that it will be easy for visitors to come and stay with us. It also means that should the unbearable happen and we don't get granted visas, or we have to start off living in another part of Canada because of work, it should be easy to rent out for more money than we will be paying for the mortgage.

We know it is a bit of a risk, but overall we can't see it being more than a wise investment. With property prices going silly over there, but stabilising and possibly crashing over here, our money is safer invested in Canada. If it all goes wrong and we can't live there and we can't find anyone to rent it out to then we should be able to sell it fairly easily.

We have to sell our place in Bristol in order to get most of the deposit so we have had estate agents around this week to value it, and we will decide on one tonight and get the flat on the market by this weekend. It's a bit gutting to be selling after just one year as we love it where we are but we have no choice. Hopefully we will be able to rent in the same area. The two valuations we have had could not be more different - one suggested we sell it for a price that is £10000 less than what we bought it for if we want a quick sale, £5000 less if we want to sell it in average time. The other reckons we should easily sell it before Christmas for £5000 more than we bought it for. It's very confusing, but we do know that a similar property in our building was sold recently for £7500 less than we bought ours for, but we think it was in need of modernisation.

Holy moly.

I am rather peed off today as I have been told that because I have been contributing to my pension for more than 2 years I cannot cash it in to start up a savings account for Canada. That's 3000 smackeroonies down the drain. I may be able to transfer it when I start working in Canada, otherwise they will keep it frozen until my retirement in - my god - 40 years time!!!

Bstards. If I'd have known that I would never have started paying into the damn thing. I've told them I want to stop my payments as from NOW but they haven't answered me yet...

I can't believe I have just wasted 45 minutes writing this thing only for it to crash when I tried to load it up and all of it has disappeared.

Bah.

Fiddlesticks.

Bloody good for nothing technology.